下午茶來點糖炒栗子如何?

作者與收錄專輯：Michael Bruce - Unwritten Songs

我是一位公主 沒錯
I'm a princess, yes

一位公主 是的
A princess, yes

一位迪士尼公主 當然當然
A Disney princess, yes yes yes

而且我知道
And a princess knows

故事如何發展
That the story goes

「很久很久以前」接下來一切都爛透了
"Once upon a time" and after that it sucks

超級爛
Blows

肌膚白如雪
With skin as white as snow

身著印花窗簾
In floral curtains head to toe

每天發推特：「喔喔喔！」
I daily twitter ‘Oh oh oh!’

只用迪士尼風格
Just in a Disney way

喔！只用迪士尼風格
Oh! Just in a Disney way

沒錯 就是迪士尼風格
Yes, just in a Disney way

我從沒有過胖
I never get obese

我和鴨與鵝說話
I talk to ducks and geese

牠們在壁爐架上打理好自己
They wipe themselves on the mantelpiece

但只用迪士尼風格
But just in a Disney way

喔 多麼氣派高雅
And oh, isn't it grand

我的王子騎馬從遙遠的國度來到我身邊
My prince is gonna ride here from a far off land

雖然 也許老套
And so, maybe it's corny

但公主也是個女孩 你知道 我們可以做點色色的事
But a princess is a girl you know, we get a little horny

我家屋用樹造
My house is made of trees

我掃乾淨落葉
I sweep it free of leaves

一邊唱著鳥與蜂的歌謠
Sing along with the song about the birds and bees

但只用迪士尼風格
But just in a Disney way

我如蜜蜂般跳舞

I dance around and hum

紡針扎進大拇指
spindles with my thumb

在等待王子到來時睡著
Fall asleep while I wait for my prince to come

但只用迪士尼風格
But just in a Disney way

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Ee ee ee ee ee ee ee

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

我的王子在來路上
My prince was on his way

帶著緊張撞進我心房
To breach me from the fray

一會兒後我們會嘿嘿嘿
And later on we'd hey hey hey

但只用迪士尼風格
But just in a Disney way

他向我跪下 我看向他

He knelt for me, I looked at him

我們喝到失去意識
We drank ourselves to oblivion

他架著我回家 我帶他進門
He rode me home, I took him in

但只用迪士尼風格
But just in a Disney way

喔 他多麼美好
And oh, wasn't he swell?

雖然事實上他搞錯了
Although in truth he got it wrong

他還以為我是仙杜瑞拉
He thought that I was Cinderella

喔 為何命運如此？
Oh, why is it so?

我想要的只是富二代順著我頭髮爬上來跟我說「嗨」
All I want is a wealthy heir to climb my hair and say hello

這王子遊手好閒
This prince, well he's a bum

他厭煩了沉重的愛意   
He swoons ad nauseam

一旦小妖精（*1）走過 王子便認定他是唯一
As far as fairies go this prince he sure is one

他寧願騎他的馬而不是我
He'd rather ride his horse than me

他寧願跪著坐在那個上面
He'd rather let it sit on his knee

這不是應該發生的事
This isn't how it's meant to be

不 該死的
No damn it!

這不是迪士尼風格
Not in a Disney way

當我得到小矮人 小矮人
While I've got dwarves, dwarves

小小的人 小小的人 小小的人
Little people, little people, little people

小矮人 小小的人 小小的人
Dwarves, little people, little people

小矮人 小矮人 小小的人
Dwarves, dwarves, little people

小小的人 小矮人 小矮人 小矮人
Little people, dwarves, dwarves, dwarves

掃地 掃地 打掃 打掃 掃地 唱歌 唱歌 做菜 打掃 掃地
Sweep, sweep, clean, clean, sweep, sing, sing, cook, clean, sweep

發推 發推 發推 發推
Tweet tweet tweet tweet

唱歌 唱歌 睡覺 睡覺 唱歌 唱歌 睡覺 睡覺！
Sing, sing, sleep, sleep, sing, sing, sleep, sleep!

睡覺？
Sleep?

平安 下午好我的朋友
Shalom, good evening my friends

我想要和你介紹幾個例子
I'd like to introduce you to example two

一位我們都認識的女孩
A girl we knew

雖然令人難過但是現實
It's sad but true

仙杜瑞拉
Cinderella

她現在有點糟糕
She's a bit of a mess

一顆南瓜是她的拖車 而她連拖鞋都沒有
A pumpkin is her carriage and she's slipperless

但她還是得到了一位王子
But still she got a prince

她有一身華服
She got a dress

她還得了許多不應該被再轉傳的其他東西
She caught a couple of other things we probably shouldn't re-address

但她仍舊是個公主 對！
But she's a princess, yes!

而我必須住在這七個小混-
And I've gotta live with these seven randy little f-

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Ee ee ee ee ee ee ee

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

所以
So

這不應該發生
It wasn't meant to be

沒有王子屬於我
No prince was sent for me

沒有愛情是永恆
No love to last eternally

這才不是迪士尼風格
And not in a Disney way

這巨魔（*2）沒心沒肺
Been knocked up by a troll

卻正巧掉進我的兔洞
Who has no heart or soul

出拳將我擊倒在地
But fell right down my rabbit hole

這才不是迪士尼風格
And not in a Disney way

喔 多麼幸福美好
And oh, isn't it bliss

就算是Shirley Temple（*3）也從沒遇到這種破事
Even Shirley Temple never had to deal with shit like this

喔 我能不哭嗎
And oh, couldn't I cry

像我們比較久以前的女孩們 根本沒有機會被後製修圖
Us older girls don't stand a chance, we're not enhanced by CGI

後製修圖！
CGI!

我得到小矮人 小矮人 小小的人們
While I've dwarves, dwarves, little people, little people

龍 女巫 利劍
Dragons, witches, swords

但我想要愛
But I want love

只要迪士尼風格的
And only in a Disney way!

好吧！
Okay!

注釋：

（1）fairies：仙女、妖精、男同性戀

（2）troll：巨魔山怪、刻意引戰謾罵或釣魚的網路酸民

（3）Shirley Temple：知名童星Shirley Temple Black，當迪士尼的白雪公主獲得奧斯卡特殊成就獎時，便是由Shirley Temple頒發一大七小的特殊造型金像獎給迪士尼

私心附上我喜歡的翻唱版本，演唱者Wendy Ferguson

Wendy Ferguson在倫敦西區歌劇魅影25週年紀念演出中飾演卡洛塔，她在劇中的演技和歌喉也不輸主角三人，快去認識她～

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